it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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