Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
