I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
