I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This baby is an asshole
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
