They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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