Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
