So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
