Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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