just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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