i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
