I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
