Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
