why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
