Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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