And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
