if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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