Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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