WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
