im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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