I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
