my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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