Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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