you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
