His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
