Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
