i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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