I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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