like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
