I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have aggressive nipples.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
