just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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