Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
where are my eyebrows?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
