I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
