Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
