If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
