Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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