Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
