I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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