I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
