the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
