last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
