He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
