OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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