we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
