Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
