and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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