I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
