They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
