i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
