I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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