I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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